A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American Farters

 

Learning- or better still, thinking up- names for fart types is a traditional early-adolescent ritual.

Similarly, methods of identifying the sources of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it," or "The smeller's the teller."

Occasionally, this oral tradition has achieved the level of Xerox publication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the lines of Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attempted in print. Tentatively, then, we present the following.


Liar
People who blame other people when he farts



Empty-headed men
People who hold the fart very long



Smart
People who know when to fart

Suffer

People who want to fart but can not



Mysterious
People who fart reply, anyone else do not know



Nervous
People who suddenly hold their farts



Confident
People who farts in public and tell others that he is farts


Sadist
A person who after farts, he waved his fart to the others


Shy
People who fart but has no sound, and ashamed himself



Strategic
People who hides his fart with laughter


Stingy #1
A person who after farts, he breath as much as he can to replace the fart



Stingy #2
People who fart a little bit



Friendly
People who liked to smell other peoples fart



Aquatic
People who like to fart in the water

Honest

People who admit if he farts



Athletic
People who need energy if they want to fart




We are farting with you, for you, and on your behalf!